Well, I don't post too much about my family of origin because this is the internet but the little I do, I will say my family is f*cked up. For many reasons. Undiagnosed depression and co-dependency are a few.
I used to agree with you Bellah - can't we all just get along, put aside our differences.
I now realize that each of my family members is doing the best they can to survive. To keep their heads above water. Being healthy or honest is not necessarily what they need to or are able to do. So, I accept everyone (including myself) with as much as they are able to.
In other words, some families and situations are so f*cked up, healing is just not possible. Personally, I keep an open mind about that, and do whatever work *I* need to do on my side of the street. But until other people do their own work (including honesty and probably cognitive behavioral therapy), healing may not be possible.
And yes, people may die without that healing. And that sucks. But that's reality. I can either be angry about that and let it govern my life, or I can let it go. And I do wish all my family members the best, and every happiness. I want them to be happy, and I realize that I am not the person who can define happiness for them - I don't know what's right for them.
I do think mormonism did negatively impact this by giving a skewed version of family, family devotion, family togetherness. With some families, it's simply not possible. Once I let go of my skewed perception and expectations for my family, I've done a lot better. But it's still hard.
I hate seeing my parents unhappy
, for instance. I want to mind my own business, but some days that's easier than others.
PS. Someone on another board talked about growing up in a large family, that while you would think it was great (the media sometimes gives an impression, like the Kennedys or Duggars, that it's ideal). But the poster pointed out in their family, because of the limited resources everyone fought for their own share. This also rang very true for me. It's not just everyone working together for a common goal and supporting each other.